These Are My Confessions

I am tired of faking it.

“Look at Dustin. Boy, he has everything together. What a perfect life!”

Truthfully, that is what my pride feeds off of. I do whatever I can do to make sure I look “okay”. I sacrifice important things like my relationship with my wife, my time with people, and transparency/true connection with others because of this ugly self-preservation mode I get in.

I wrote about “colliding with Christ” on Monday. Oh how I need that again in my life!

A little about me…. in my best Usher voice, these are my confessions:

  • I sweep things under the rug to avoid dealing with conflict that “makes me look bad”.
  • I avoid bringing up “issues” because I am fearful that it shows a sign of weakness.
  • I isolate myself and don’t seek out connection with other men because I think I can manage by myself.

The appearance of self has been so important to me. I’ve looked at it as this crucial piece of my identity and, quite honestly, I can’t keep it up. It’s exhausting. I just can’t do it.

I get angry.
I am impatient.
I am inconsiderate.
I have impure thoughts.
I am selfish.

But…. I am thankful.

I have a Father who is always there for me.
I gave a wife who loves and encourages me.
I have friends and family who will support me.
I don’t have to do this alone.
I can embrace an identity as Abba’s child… right now.

Not sure the entire purpose of this post, but it has been my life these last couple days (scratch that, these last 29 years). It is where I am at.

I am specifically seeking out a collision with Christ. I desire change. I can no longer simply be okay with resigning to the fact that “this is who I am”. This agreement will be broken. In the past, I would have tried to break it myself. Now, however, I chose see that is God who will bring me though.

::

What agreement(s) need to be broken in your life?
Will you commit to specifically praying for me?

54 Comments

  • John

    June 16, 2011

    Dustin I will definitely pray for you. You have no idea how much you just resonated with me with your confessions. Thanks for being honest.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Thanks John, appreciate you.

      Reply
  • Moe

    June 16, 2011

    Hold up those hands my friend. When your hands become heavy, as Aaron and Hur supported the hands of Moses, I will support your hands steady until the going down of the sun. We get to do this together as broken people who serve a great God. Praying and hoping! Always!

    Reply
    • Michael

      June 16, 2011

      Okay, as I was reading this post that is what I was thinking. Lifting your arms up now man.

      Reply
      • Donald Borsch Jr

        June 16, 2011

        Dustin,

        Confession is us agreeing with our Dad about what needs to change n our lives.

        You have spoken here like a son would speak. How can any of us who walk in sonship not feel your honesty and transparency?

        I stand with Moe and Michael in praying for you with great intention and focused purpose. Even now your name is being laid before the throne of our Father, and He is faithful and true to pick it up and shape it into the image of His Son.

        Dustin…we have your back. You did the right thing here. The enemy has no ability any longer to accuse you now that you have confessed and been honest.

        Your arms are being lifted, son of God. Go ahead and let us hold you up.

        Reply
        • Dustin

          June 16, 2011

          Donald, I appreciate your words. Thanks for the call today.

          Reply
      • Dustin

        June 16, 2011

        thanks michael!

        Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Thanks Moe. You da hombre!

      Reply
  • Arny

    June 16, 2011

    Wow…Dustin…Honesty is the hardest mountain to climb…(wow…i just made that up…sweet)

    There is one “agreement” I need to breakaway from…it’s damaging my soul and consious to the highest bitter!!! I’m really trying and God is dealing with me painfully….

    I’m praying for you my friend…We are Brother’s in Christ…and it’s the least I can do…Do the same by me…Thanks…

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Thanks Arny for the comment. Bros Indeed!

      Reply
  • Tapper

    June 16, 2011

    These confession points are what almost made me walk away from Christianity about 10 years ago – after 25+ years of being a phony. I was so fed up with my phony self & the phoniness of most other Christians that I was done playing the game. Fortunately God picked thru my wreckage and put me back together & I am far different that the self righteous ass I used to be.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      God does some amazing work in wreckage. Thanks for sharing, Bob.

      Reply
  • kristinherdy

    June 16, 2011

    I not only relate to your confessions, I’m praying you break free with the Father’s help.

    Reply
  • jenn

    June 16, 2011

    I love your honesty. For myself personally, I know I can’t be perfect but I still expect that of myself and it isn’t easy to allow others to see that I’m not perfect.It’s so much better to allow God to show the areas where you need to change, than it is to continue to hide them from the world. It’s something I struggle with as well. Praying for you.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Slowly learning that… thanks, jenn!

      Reply
  • Alex Humphrey

    June 16, 2011

    The agreement that it’s okay to be conventional and “normal” must be broken in my life. I’m far too okay with living the American dream, with living an easy life, with telling a boring story.

    My Father has taught me better than that. My Brother (Jesus) has shown too good of an example for me to accept sub-par. My Helper (the Holy Spirit) fills me with too much wisdom, and power, and creativity to accept normalcy.

    No, the sinful agreement I’ve made with myself must be broken.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Thanks for commenting, Alex.

      Reply
  • Brandon

    June 16, 2011

    So good. I think this is the same with most men. I always hold everything in and try and fix it myself. I relate to this on every level and will pray for you. Thanks for this post.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Brandon, we’re not alone. Thanks for sharing, my friend.

      Reply
  • Jon

    June 16, 2011

    I can honestly say that you’re not alone in this. I can relate to all three of your points, especially because I’m an overly cautious type of person. Will definitely pray for you bro.

    Reply
  • Jason Vana

    June 16, 2011

    I am the same way man. Praying that God gives you the strength to just be you, faults, flaws, talents and all.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Appreciate it Jason. Thanks!

      Reply
  • Marlee

    June 16, 2011

    Okay first of all, LOL–> “A little about me…. in my best Usher voice” <– that took the cake for me right there.

    But seriously, look how amazing God is that even by virtue of this very confession he is working in your life. That is such a testament to the power he has in your life and that is powerful to others.

    And by the way, I share in your confessions too. I think we all do. It's just harder for some us to admit it.

    Reply
    • Donald Borsch Jr

      June 16, 2011

      Marlee,

      You said:
      “But seriously, look how amazing God is that even by virtue of this very confession he is working in your life. That is such a testament to the power he has in your life and that is powerful to others.”

      –And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death.–Rev 12:11

      Nicely said, Marlee.

      Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Thanks Marlee. Really!

      (Oh and btw, LOL at Usher… you’re welcome! :))

      Reply
  • Cindy Holman

    June 16, 2011

    Wow Dustin – reading this just now after your great comment on my article about “Truth” today. These two articles are so similar – it’s great how like-minded people feel something in their spirit and write about it – only to find out “I’m not alone” – I embrace your honesty and admission. And I know God does too :)

    Reply
  • Jason

    June 16, 2011

    Of course I’ll pray for you dude!

    Reply
  • Adam

    June 16, 2011

    Thanks for being so transparent Dustin. I will be praying for you brother.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 16, 2011

      Thanks Adam, I appreciate you.

      Reply
  • bill (cycleguy)

    June 16, 2011

    As you know, I already have your back and will continue praying for you.

    Reply
  • Mark

    June 16, 2011

    Dustin,

    I can relate to your struggles more than you know. The nice thing is, we have a Lord and Savior who knows and understands our infirmities as well.

    Society as well as how we were raised greatly affects how we males perceive ourselves as well as how we act. My father was a “man’s man” so I was taught emotional stoicism along with an immense pride in self sufficiency. This mentality endured for a season, but eventually these false male constructs I created ran into the buzz-saw of reality. I soon found that I really had nothing to meet it with, so I balked and was eventually swept away by false gods and false phantoms. One thing I have realized is that spirituality abhors a vacuum…and you will eventually bow down and serve something or someone.

    I’m personally leery of Christian buzzwords like: “encounter”, collide, “collision”, etc,…for these words tend to evoke mere emotional connotations. Emotionalism has lead to many Christians demise! Emotionalism is liken to a roller coaster in that it is fun to ride every now and then…but it would be hell to ride indefinitely. Many Christians live in/on this constant hell-ride.

    Dustin, I have read your blogs and you definitely have a heart for Jesus Christ! I don’t think you need a collision as much as you need an embrace. Embrace the Word of God and you will realize that immovable anchor that you are fastened too. In Him is where your identity lies…and you know this:-> I of course commit to hold you up in prayer daily…and I would ask the same of you too brother.

    You are blessed!

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 17, 2011

      Mark, like I said on twitter… this is the Everest of comments. Thank you! Not only do I appreciate the time you spent typing it out, but it is full of encouraging/rich substance. Thank you!

      Reply
  • Larry Hehn

    June 16, 2011

    Count me in, Dustin. Praying for you, bro!

    Reply
  • Joseph

    June 16, 2011

    Praying for you Dustin!

    Reply
  • Julesmarie

    June 16, 2011

    This makes me even more grateful to have become friends this year. To know there is a group of us that can either encourage and relate where there are similar challenges…or support one another with our individual strengths! I am sure this confession ends much better then Usher’s ;) as I am sure God is very pleased with yours! God Bless and Thanks!

    Reply
  • Tony Alicea

    June 17, 2011

    Whoa man, I know exactly how you feel. I appreciate you sharing. I just prayed for you. Love you, bro!

    Reply
  • Lizzie

    June 17, 2011

    You’re in my prayers! I struggle with the same thing. It took me forever to be willing to be honest about my fear of driving. Pride and all that. Wanting to be perfect. It took me realizing I wasn’t going to make it on my own and God opening my eyes to a few things to be able to share. If you struggle with people pleasing, a great book to read is Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer. Helped me loads!

    Thanks so much for your honesty and transparency. None of us think any less of you for it. It just makes you human like the rest of us. :)

    Better days to you, my brother in Christ! :)

    Reply
  • ThatGuyKC

    June 17, 2011

    I think we need a vlog of you singing Usher.

    Great post, Dustin. Appreciate your transparency and honesty.

    It’s ironic how guys try to go it alone and yet what we need most is comrades. Praying for you dude.

    Reply
    • Dustin

      June 21, 2011

      That’s two people who’ve requested that… maybe… just maybe!

      Thanks buddy.

      Reply
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  • Dustin W. Stout

    June 20, 2011

    It’s great that you have the boldness to be transparent. “He who exalts himself will be humbled; he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

    Keep it real bro! Praying for your collission!

    Reply
  • Dustin

    June 21, 2011

    I appreciate that, Dustin. Thanks!

    Reply
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